things Unsaid.......

The lights are dimmed and I’m having a grin on my face. She was singing a song to calm her soul or better yet tell the world about everything she has inside. I was looking at her in the corner of my eye and cautiously tipped my cap down so she won’t see me staring at her. I said to myself, “Its nice to see her after all this time…It’s good to see her just plain happy.”

Then, she suddenly struck me with a question. “Are you happy?”

Of course I was, if she only knew how much I wanted to give her a tight hug…very tight hug. But I wouldn’t dare ruin this moment when its my joy to see her smile a lot. There she was infront of me, singing the song reflections…i ducked my head and keep everything to myself….that song was meant for her…as also I would like to admit –to myself.

I just caught myself staring at her again. Damn! What if she notices, i told myself. Why can’t I be honest to myself and tell her things I wanna tell her. I wanna tell her how beautiful she is and how I wanted to uplift her spirit. I can’t…its better yet to just see her like this, and create a memory of how gay, happy and comforting she is.

Light feeling. Why do I feel in such way for so long now? Whatever she does, I can’t hate her even a small bit? Maybe we started as fully accepting each other…past, present and future. It might be…but I got a good guess why…she was never judgmental about people and I returned back the favor. She accepted everything about people and I returned back the favor. She is true to herself and demanded that people be true to her also no matter how hard it is to be true.

I can’t really explain the details of it all. Try as I might. It’s complicated, very complicated even from the start. One thing for sure, I loved her like a sister, like a dear friend, like a lover…and like my partner…like i’ve never loved before. The feeling never changes even with time.

in reality, I will not try not to tell her about these things, it would ruin everything.

Why? Because these things create expectations and I don’t wanna fail her again. Its better not to tell right? Keep everything to yourself and also I know she does this one. Keeping everything to herself…she’s good at it.

This is what I think, If you ever meet her, never leave her. No matter what happens, never leaver her. Always keep in touch with her. Don’t give her promises you can’t keep it just adds to her despair. Make her happy…she is a rare person to find.

I could go on for a day with this one but I’d rather keep it short. She’s tired of everything and I’d rather leave things unexplored and for her to find out. Nobody knows about the future right? Why bother think about it.

But one thing for sure, I’ll always be there. That’s a promise I can keep