Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.
“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”
The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.
To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.
After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.
“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”
Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.
Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.
In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.
People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.
“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”
It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.
All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. “People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"Alam mo kasi sabay naman kaming nagbantay sa ospital [noong magkasakit] si Baby James. I'm not going to say we are close friends now. I think that's a process. Matagal pa 'yon. Pero hindi naman kami magkagalit," she said.
Aquino, the youngest sister of President Aquino, made this clarification after greeting the PBA (Philippine Basketball Association) player during Tuesday’s episode of game-variety show "Pilipinas, Win na Win!"
During the show, Aquino uttered: "Get well soon sa tatay ni Baby James si James Yap. In-operahan siya sa ilong kasi nandoon ngayon si Bimby (Baby James) kung saan nandoon ang ospital. Dinalaw niya ang papa niya. Sabi niya, 'Mama you greet my Papa.’ So, get well soon."
Aquino maintained that she did it for the sake of their 3-year-old son. "Para matuwa si Bimby nag-greet ako. Nag-text ang yaya ni Bimby, si Gerbel. Sinabi niya, 'Thank you daw po sabi ng papa ni Bimby."
Aquino also said there's no truth to rumors that Yap still has personal stuff at the house he previously shared with the TV host-actress.
Rumor has it that Yap was having a hard time getting them, forcing him to shop for his personal things while on vacation in the United States.
"Ano naman ang gamit niyang nasa bahay namin? Lahat ng things niya nasa kanya. ‘Yong ibang mga gamit naka-box. Anytime puwede niyang kunin and pinabalik naman ng judge. Hindi ba nasa bahay namin lahat? Unfair to accuse me of getting his things," she retorted.
'Bimby is sick again'
In a message posted in her Twitter account, Aquino, meantime, bared that her youngest son is suffering from fever again.
"Bimby has a 39 Fever. I'm so worried. Will confine him. Last week lang he was sick, now sick again," tweeted Aquino.
Just last week, the 3-year-old son of Aquino and Yap was brought to St. Luke’s Hospital in Global City. According to the actress-television host, the toddler's platelet count went down.
On September 15, Aquino said her son was cleared of dengue, typhoid and pneumonia.
"Slept w/ Bimb in the hospital. Viral infection but clear of dengue & typhoid. We can go home later & next week ready for school na sya!" Aquino tweeted.
Meanwhile, Aquino made a comeback as Belo Medical Group’s celebrity endorser.
When asked if people would see a new Aquino, the host replied: "Ayokong baguhin kasi feeling ko maganda na ako ngayon. Pero mas gaganda pa ako."
Aquino and cosmetic surgeon Vicki Belo, owner of Belo Medical Group, had a falling out years back after Belo’s receptionist was rumored to be having an affair with Yap. -With SNN: Showbiz News Ngayon
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
People are complicated and when you find one who you think is the "one" more often than not you will do everything you can to try to hold onto him. You must receive a reciprocation or a response from the other person to call it a real relationship. Sometimes you do receive an agreement that each one of you have found the right "one." Then for no apparent reason than two people growing apart, the relationship disapates. He stops calling to talk with you or to be with you. He has reasons to be other places than with you. The bottom line is that he just fell out of love with you. More often than not, he has found someone else to fill the void that somehow you thought you had filled. How to handle someone you love who do not love you? You just kiss and say goodbye.
While all of his emotions are changing for you and heading to someone else, you do not have a clue and refuse to accept the fact that the relationship is over. You lie to yourself and start to accept the lame answers that leave you alone again without the one who you are sure is the "one." Then you begin to think and to rationalize that if he is the one for you, why is his time being spent away from you in the company of another. His excuses wake you up to the fact that you are in love with someone who does not love you. Your first reaction is a sense of denial as you view the slides on your computer of the two of your smiling and having fun together. You know that the end of the relationship is upon you because once again, you are alone without him and you wonder what went wrong.
You first recourse is to try to fix the broken relationship and see what you can do to bring the two of you back together. You try to be understanding and to argue less because of being stood up again with another excuse. You want to know why does he just tell you that he does not love you anymore. You want to know what is it about you that did not keep the relationship together. Then you realize that some couples just grow apart or loses the magic that bought the two of them together. You vow to delete his contact information on your cell phone and to delete all of his emails and hopefully the deletions will also delete your love for you.
Love of another person is not easily deleted when you thought you had it going on and then he flipped the page and left you questioning his moves. Although he was not able to man up and tell you that his love for you is gone, you step in and complete the question for yourself. You are woman enough and smart enough to stop wasting your time and decide to have a talk with the person that you now can not understand. He does not love you and all of the evidence is there. He knows that if he leaves, he takes a great part of your life with him. You think of the sacrifices you made to be with him and how you gave your all to a relationship that you thought would last.
You decide the best way to handle the I love you but you do not love me situation is to just kiss and silently say goodbye. You find other interests. You do not rush out to meet someone else because love from you was forever. You do not know where to go from here. You throw yourself into your work and take up knitting of all things. Eventually, you accept the fact that it is fruitless to continue to carry love lost with you everywhere you go. Your surmise the nonsense of having thoughts of him with everything that you do. You decide to just say goodbye to a relationship that was so real to you but was something less to him. You decide that sometimes broken things needs to be thrown away and forgotten. You handle someone you love who do not love you by adding that relationship to the toss it pile and concentrate on what you have decided to keep.
You made the decision to keep your self worth, something that though shared can not be taken from you. You make the effort to move on and to find your good that has always been available to you. You finally understand that love lost from another does not mean to lose love for yourself. You handle someone you love who do not love by etching a new path to getting to know yourself better. You reach within yourself and find the strength that is there to move on. You build on the joy of knowing that at one time you loved and lost but you are grateful for having loved another so deeply. You just kiss and say goodbye,
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Loneliness in itself is not a bad thing. It becomes a problem when you start to depend on things outside yourself to cure it. Chronic loneliness can be a symptom to a much bigger problem that needs to be healed BEFORE you go out looking for an external cure.
Curing your loneliness with love for example and not realizing the core of the problem (why you feel lonely ultimately not superficially) is akin to curing sleeping disorders with Excedrin PM Pills where by the problem is drinking 18 cups of coffee one right after the other all the way up until your bed time and expecting to sleep.
The pills will knock you out but the acetaminophen (a trademark used for the drug Tylenol), will weaken your stomach lining, damage your liver and long term problems will result that you can not easily if at all remove. Do I really have to give the example of the relationship resulting in seeking love out of loneliness? Good, moving on.
If you feel lonely and desperate it can mean that you don't have enough respect for yourself, who you are, and what your worth. What your contribution to the world is worth. If you can't stand your own company and demand to have others fill the needs you yourself should be content in fulfilling, then their may be a problem in your self esteem.
This doesnt mean your not a great person with alot of amazing qualities that others see right away, it just means that you aren't content being alone and this could he a bigger problem thatn it seems. This is ONLY ONE idea of what it could be. The truth is only can figure it out but below I will show you a trick to extracting it.. it could be as simple as you need a creative outlet and you normally get that when your in a relationship.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The best-selling female performer of the 1990s, Mariah Carey rose to super stardom on the strength of her stunning five-octave voice; an elastic talent who moved easily from glossy ballads to hip-hop-inspired dance-pop, she earned frequent comparison to rivals Whitney Houston and Celine Dion, but did them both one better by composing all of her own material. Born in Long Island, NY, on March 27, 1970, Carey moved to New York City at the age of 17 -- just one day after graduating high school -- to pursue a music career; there she befriended keyboardist Ben Margulies, with whom she began writing songs. Her big break came as a backing vocalist on a studio session with dance-pop singer Brenda K. Starr, who handed Carey's demo tape to Columbia Records head Tommy Mottola at a party. According to legend, Mottola listened to the tape in his limo while driving home that same evening, and was so immediately struck by Carey's talent that he doubled back to the party to track her down.
After signing to Columbia, Carey entered the studio to begin work on her 1990 self-titled debut LP; the heavily promoted album was a chart-topping smash, launching no less than four number one singles: "Vision of Love," "Love Takes Time," "Someday," and "I Don't Wanna Cry." Her overnight success earned Grammy awards as Best New Artist and Best Female Vocalist, and expectations were high for Carey's follow-up, 1991's Emotions. The album did not disappoint, as the title track reached number one -- a record fifth consecutive chart-topper -- while both "Can't Let Go" and "Make It Happen" landed in the Top Five. Carey's next release was 1992's MTV Unplugged EP, which generated a number-one cover of the Jackson 5's "I'll Be There"; featured on the track was backup singer Trey Lorenz, whose appearance immediately helped him land a recording contract of his own.
In June 1993, Carey wed Mottola -- some two decades her senior -- in a headline-grabbing ceremony; months later she released her third full-length effort, Music Box, her best-selling record to date. Two more singles, "Dreamlover" and "Hero," reached the top spot on the charts. Carey's first tour followed and was widely panned by critics; undaunted, she resurfaced in 1994 with a holiday release titled Merry Christmas, scoring a seasonal smash with "All I Want for Christmas Is You." 1995's Daydream reflected a new artistic maturity; the first single, "Fantasy," debuted at number one, making Carey the first female artist and just the second performer ever to accomplish the feat. The follow-up, "One Sweet Day" -- a collaboration with Boyz II Men -- repeated the trick, and remained lodged at the top of the charts for a record 16 weeks.
After separating from Mottola, Carey returned in 1997 with Butterfly, another staggering success and her most hip-hop-flavored recording to date. #1's -- a collection featuring her 13 previous chart-topping singles as well as "The Prince of Egypt (When You Believe)," a duet with Whitney Houston effectively pairing the two most successful female recording artists in pop history -- followed late the next year. With "Heartbreaker," the first single from her 1999 album Rainbow, Carey became the first artist to top the charts in each year of the 1990s; the record also pushed her ahead of the Beatles as the artist with the most cumulative weeks spent atop the Hot 100 singles chart.
However, the 2000s weren't as kind to Carey. After signing an 80 million dollar deal with Virgin -- the biggest record contract ever -- in 2001 she experienced a very public personal and professional meltdown that included rambling, suicidal messages on her website; an appearance on TRL where, clad only in a T-shirt, she handed out Popsicles to the audience; and last but not least, the stupendously awful movie Glitter and its attendant soundtrack (which was also her Virgin Records debut). Both the film and the album did poorly critically as well as commercially, with Glitter making just under 4 million dollars in its total U.S. gross and the soundtrack struggling to make gold sales. Following these failures, Virgin and Carey parted ways early in 2002, with the label paying her 28 million dollars. That spring, she found a new home with Island/Def Jam, where she set up her own label, MonarC Music. In December, she released her ninth album, Charmbracelet. After 3 years mariah gone in music industry march 22 2005 she released the album emancipation of Mimi. The album means that mariah is back. After 3 years he released again the repackage of album titled E=MC2.This album is more hip-hop and rnb where here song put her back in number one. Now Carey still rocks in the music industry in this year she released the newest album in tittled Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel with the hit single obossed and the rival song I wanna know what love is. Mariah is in 18 years in music industry but she still rocks